Is Stevie Wonder the greatest musician of all time?
It was 2AM in an Airbnb in the French Quarter and I had just taken a shot of bourbon with some people I thought were my friends. But those people had a question, and once they asked it, I knew we were no longer friends. They’d chosen violence.
And the question was… is Stevie Wonder the best musician of all time?
Them: 👊 💥
Me: 🤕 I ain’t trying to think that hard right now, y’all…
A beat.
Me: 😶
Another beat.
Me: *another shot, wipes mouth* I mean, what do you mean by “best”?
They had me.
Because, I mean, if we were talking best, there’s a woman that made a song called “I Have Nothing” that could’ve fixed that little debate and we could’ve gotten some sleep right then — you feel me? Sheesh.
And also there’s a man (and a few of his siblings) who took a voyage to Atlantis some 40 some odd years ago if you know what I’m saying… So they were going to have to be more specific. What did they mean by "best"?
Them: Answer the question.
I began to pace. After all, I was only two shots in, this shouldn’t be that hard. Why was I not better prepared…
Is Stevie Wonder the best musician of all time?
Because, if it’s “best” then that’s where we gotta start, right? So that’s that. Because “best” implies talent, and I was in the desert at Beychella with my man Sam and that shit was something else (he’ll tell you). Plus they saw the Netflix special; I know they saw that shit. So yeah…
Them: So yeah, what?
Me: Hmph.
I mean, when we say “musician”, what do we mean? Bc I have a 39:54 sample size of a 21-year old rapper from Queensbridge that might just disagree. And I also have evidence of a woman that sang that loving you easy because you’re beautiful in like five different octaves so ….
Them: “so…”, what?
“la la la la la — do do do do do”, ring a bell, anyone?
Them:
Me: *another shot* Shit, what was the question?
Is Stevie Wonder the best musician of all time?
Right! They mustn’t have remembered that time the tiny little man in purple made it rain at the Super Bowl while singing about the rain being purple … at the Super Bowl? In a head scarf?!
Plus, I heard that two niggas in Paris once performed a song about being niggas in Paris like 8 times in a row… on a stage in Paris. And that’s some pretty fly shit if you ask me. They ain’t hear me tho’!
Them: “Fly”, huh?
I mean I was like 4 shots in, so they were gonna have to ask me that again because I couldn’t process.
Them: Is Stevie Wonder the…
Hol’ up, hol’ up! Did they remember that little girl from Sister Act? The second one. Not Whoopi, though. Yeah, her. She made a quite perfect album not that long ago and they were acting like it didn’t even exist. What was this, amateur hour?
Them: … Is Stev —
And to make matters worse, we were in New Orleans of all places. The home of jazz and Satchmo and Fats and you know what — fuck all that, we were in the home of the man who made freaking Channel Orange! Why would they ask me something like that?
Them: iS STeViE WOnDeR tHe bESt mUsICiAn Of AlL tIMe?
I’d had enough! I mean for Christ’s sake I saw a man walk on the fucking moon with white socks and black pants before. You can go look at it on YouTube right now. He was the bomb.
Them:
Me: 🌚
Them:
I was standing there swaying; trying to see straight when everything became clear.
Is Stevie Wonder the best musician of all time?
And that’s when it hit me. Hard. Violence 👊 💥
🤕 So much so that I didn’t even have to answer.
For Lack of a Wetter Bird: Yes.
-Troy
PS - Congrats to D. Smith in New Jersey for getting Tuesday's trivia question before the rest of you.
Inside Man (2006).