🗺 People with U.S. cities as first names...

Alright, I'm just gonna say it... Sharing the first name of a U.S. city is cool as fuck.

It just is, man.

It gives people a certain... credence when they introduce themselves, doesn't it? Alright, maybe credence is the wrong word, but it definitely evokes a little tinge of excitement for sure. It just makes you interested in things you wouldn't normally be interested in. It's like... "Damn, there's a whole city with the same name as this MF, I wonder what they had for breakfast this morning?" Maybe it's just me.

I don't mean to be stereotypical and nameist, but you can't lie - City Names (that's what we'll call 'em) are pretty fly. And the cool part? It happens a lot more than you think!

You've got famous people like Orlando Bloom (and Orlando Brown)... Boston Scott, Dallas Austin (who ain't even from Texas, btw - he's from Columbus, GA)... which brings us to --> Columbus Short (what ever happened to him?). Dakota Fanning (wait, she doesn't count here, my bad). Oh, and Yung Miami (she definitely counts).

You see what I mean? Those names mean something, even when they don't 🤷🏽‍♂️. And no disrespect to Denzel Washington or Rob California, but it's the FIRST name that really sets the table with this stuff. That's where the excitement starts!

... almost any city will do. And if it's a capital city? Even better. And before y'all start naming your kids Minneapolis and shit, let me finish. I have some real-life examples.

I used to hoop with a dude named Pierre when we were kids. Cool cat. Fast-forward over twenty years later and he's got his own taco truck. Take THAT South Dakota.

Hmmm.... my little cousin's name is Phoenix, and one of my homie's little sister's name is Madison. Also, I've even seen a couple toddlers named Denver over the last few years! Cute, right? Those are some of the less popular, but beautiful takes on this capital City Names concept.

On the flip side, if you ever meet anyone named Sacramento or Tallahassee, you probably should just run and let God do the rest. Their mama's deserve whatever is coming to them.

 

I want to take a moment here while we're talking about capital City Names to say that I don't know any Helenas... but I'm fairly sure they exist. Well, about as sure as I am that Montana itself exists. If you personally know a Helena (or have been to Montana) please respond to this email with proof, thank you.

Back to the topic. Ok - this is wild - I once knew a woman with TWO capital cities in her name... Salem Montgomery. Cool shit, right? Oh, and have you seen the show Superstore on NBC? Cheyenne (what up Bo?!) is a an absolute delight of a character and is probably the only reason some of us think about the state of Wyoming, if we're being honest.

Actually, no, Kanye lives in Wyoming, right? ... which brings me back to famous people. Because Chicago is a name now, and so is Alexis Olympia. Both of which are the children of some extremely famous people. I wonder who's next 🤔

Annnd on the topic of children, can we talk pets? Bc my girl's dog is named Winston and my homeboy's dog is named Raleigh... North Carolina must have both of them MFs in a chokehold, IJS.

Oh! Let's not forget, Charlotte had that EPIC-ass web that one time, and Savannah has a pretty tasty smile (cookie, anyone?) Not too shabby, I'd say.

I also want to give major props to the versatility of this next name. I legit know an Allie (#ChamFam), a Dria, several Alex's, and even a Xander (!) all of whom's first name is Alexandria. Kudos to y'all man. Their mama's deserve whatever is coming to them.

Then, you just have the cool, unassuming, dude category. Let me explain... You ever met a Norman? or a Trenton? Lawrence... Jackson? A Gary, perhaps? All pretty solid cats that probably won't start no shit. You need at least one of these in your crew.

A Eugene, though? Idk how many cool ass Eugenes I know outside of the "Levy" one from TV. I can't tell you what to do, but....

Before we get too far removed from these capital cities, I wanna go on record by saying I've never met a Lansing... but I hope I do one day. That's a sneakily-good ass City Name right there.

So, what am I saying? I have no fucking clue, it's still pretty early. However, don't you think the world would be a lot more interesting if the next time you're at the grocery store, you see Champaign or Dover on the cashier's name tag? Seriously, how many more Matthews do we need? Next time y'all pop one out of the oven, name that baby St. Paul and let's roll.

For lack of a wetter bird, let's all name our kids after U.S. cities!

-Troy

P.S. - I was about halfway done with this when it occurred to me that MY name is also a city. I realize that this entire thing may seem biased now, but I regret nothing.

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