These are in alphabetical order, btw so please don’t stop reading after the first one. And to be fair, I’m actually a lot of these fans myself. I’ll put a 👀 next to those so y’all can get in on the joke as well. If I miss any, hit me in the replies and we’ll make a second list together.
*Exhales*
Shall we? Let’s have some fun.
🥷 Anime Fans - Because ain’t nobody in Japan worried about you.
🐝 Beyonce Fans - Because you lay it on a little thick, no?
👎🏽 (Anti) Beyonce Fans - Because she’s Michael Jackson, bro. Admit it.
🤢 Candy Corn Fans - Because.
🤠 Cowboys Fans - Because no, this ain’t your year either.
🦮 👀 Dog Moms Fans - Because… let me be quiet because (I think) my wife still reads these.
👿 👀 Duke Fans - Because unless you went there, you’re really dancing with the devil.
🍗 Flats > Drums wing Fans - Because why on Earth would you pit two bad bitches against each other like that?
✊🏽 👀 HBCU Fans - Because we can be a bit much sometimes.
🥳 “[INSERT ZODIAC SIGN] SZN Loading” Fans - Because you told us this shit already last year.
🏀 👀 Kobe Fans - Because he probably wasn’t as good as Mike and Lebron. And you know it.
🏀 Lebron Fans - Because chasing ghosts of Kobe and Mike can’t be that fun.
🏀 MJ Fans - Because you can really make the argument that he was playing against plumbers back in the 80s.
🐐 Patriots Fans that followed Brady to the Bucs and now don’t have a team Fans - Because you need to look yourself in the mirror next Sunday morning and ask some tough questions.
🍽️ People who think other people on the internet people can’t cook Fans - Because I know your mama taught you to try something before you fix your mouth to say you don’t like it.
🚙 People who want everyone to know their city’s traffic is worse than other cities’ traffic Fans - Because unless you’re working on a patent for the flying car, pipe down, Elroy and type the address into Waze.
🤑 Post My Parlay on social media Fans - Because she probably ain’t gonna see your tweet, and you probably ain’t gonna hit it anyway (pun, intended).
♠️ 👀 Spades players Fans - Because it don’t make you Black if you do, nor not-Black if you don’t know how to play.
🍝 “Spaghetti belongs on the same plate as fried fish” Fans - Because 1+1 don’t always equal 3.
🥄 “Sugar belongs in grits!” Fans - Because you chose violence… for breakfast?!
🥄 👀 “Sugar does NOT belong in grits!” Fans - Because why argue with someone you don’t respect?
🇺🇸 Trump Fans - Because he’s hilarious, but the joke is on him (and you, perhaps).
🥗 Vegans Fans - Because unless you show me a PETA paycheck, you gotta pipe down. That ain’t chicken on your plater, and that’s okay.
🧢 Yankees Fans - Because yelling “27!!” ain’t gonna keep Aaron Judge healthy
📝 👀 People who write newsletters Fans - Because we can be quite insufferable in your inbox, can’t we?
For Lack of a Wetter Bird, be an annoying fan of something, it adds character.