Troy's Birthday Bucket List
Having fun with idioms.
It's my birthday... and as such, we're celebrating 7/14 with a HOME LESS IN DALLAS flash sale. If you don't have it yet, today is your day.
Paperback - $7 | Hardcover - $14
Now, for the main event…
This ain’t what you think it is. I know the title of this is Troy’s Birthday Bucket List, and this is indeed a bucket list, but still, it ain’t no bucket list.
Less like a before-I-die type of thing, and more like a list of idioms that involve buckets (there are a lot of ‘em out there), I’ve decided that on my birthday I’m going to have my type of fun.
So I’m gonna list a bunch of phrases that relate directly, or somewhat indirectly, to buckets, and then go somewhere to get laid and eat some cake or what have you.
But in the spirit of the title, I really do want to go to Greece one day, watch a ball game at Fenway Park, and learn how to juggle. There.
First up…
🪦 KICK THE BUCKET
Definition: To die.
This is a rather morbid one. But incredibly effective. If you ever hear this, prepare your condolences. I don’t know how they landed on this turn of phrase, but it only has ONE meaning.
In a sentence: “Damn man, Frank done kicked the bucket on these folks.”
🚙 A BUCKET
Definition: An old or under-maintained vehicle. Akin to a hooptie or a clunker.
From the outside looking in, no one usually bats an eye at a bucket. Actually no, buckets are often just as memorable as really nice or newer cars. Except for the wrong reasons. But I suppose “wrong” and “reason” are subjective here, because from the inside looking out, it’s your bucket, and can’t nobody talk shit about your bucket except for you.
Buckets are cheap, they carry memories with them, and they’re familiar, if nothing else. In the end, there are very few people you know in this world better than you know your car.
In a sentence: “Fuck it, well hop in the bucket and haul ass!”
🤝 CARRY YOUR WATER
Definition: Used to imply that someone is doing your dirty work, or working hard on your behalf. To handle someone else’s business for them.
For this one, it doesn’t specifically use the word “bucket”, but I mean, what do people carry water in, you know? Buckets, man. I’d go as far as to say that the bucket just might be the most efficient edifice to carry water in. And with that said, I got my own bucket of water to carry, dude. If you’re gonna be thirsty later, I’m gonna need you to carry your own water.
In a sentence: “You know I like working on these projects together, but I’m not gonna carry your water for you. You’ve gotta pull your own weight.”
⏰ KICK THE CAN DOWN THE ROAD
Definition: To procrastinate, especially in the presence of a hard or important decision. Usually due to indecision or being overwhelmed.
Also, not truly a bucket but, similar concept. If you kick cans down the road, you’d probably do the same with a bucket. The idea here is that you want to spend as little time actually carrying it as possible, and even though you walk slower by kicking it, sometimes anything is better than carrying it. And, to be fair, there are certainly certain occasions where it isn’t wise to make a decision until the very last moment.
In a sentence: “So, you gonna break up with him already or just keep kicking the can down the road?!”
🤑 A DROP IN THE BUCKET
Definition: An insignificant part of a whole. Usually, in reference to a small amount of money, as compared to an overwhelmingly large amount of money.
A lot of times, when I hear this phrase, it’s used insensitively. Like if Bill Gates donates $5 million to help autism research, someone somewhere will inevitably say “Well, that’s just a drop in the bucket for him” as if $5 million ain’t five million dollars. Or, let’s say if I was playing basketball against 100 1st graders, by myself, and like two of them happened to run into each other and they both fell out. Hooray for me, sure, but those two rascals (when compared to the 98 remaining ones), are just a drop in the bucket. I’ll still probably lose this game.
In a sentence: “Oh, they only fined Ocho Cinco $5,000 for that touchdown celebration? That’s a drop in the bucket for him!”
😪 THERE’S A HOLE IN MY BUCKET
Definition: An inefficiency that makes you work harder than you have to. Describes a system that is overcoming an obvious contrarian force.
Imagine you are fetching water from a well to, I don’t know, put out a raging fire. The well is the only place you can get the water from, but its like… 100 feet away. Now, you need the water really bad, and really fast, but every time you fill the bucket up and turn to walk back to douse the fire? You guessed it, the water spills on your way back. Not all of it, but a good amount of it. You’d wish for a better bucket, no?
Now, take that concept and apply to any similar situation in life and you’ll see why when you hear this phrase, it requires immediate attention. Nobody wants a hole in their bucket. My hands can’t hold water, but they’re hands. Be a bucket, hold your shit.
In a sentence: “The pillows on my bed are amazing, but I don’t sleep well at night because of the lumpy mattress. I’m always tired; it feels like there’s a hole in my bucket.”
🏀 A WALKING BUCKET
Definition: A basketball player that displays the unique and overpowering ability to put the ball in the hoop.
This is a high compliment to both give and receive. In the game of basketball, there’s a sort of badge people get when they get to the level of being able to drop 30 any given night. I don’t mean AVERAGE 30 points per game, per se, but it’s a thing. That player knows it, the other teams knows it, and the fans know it. When you’re a walking bucket, everyone knows it. Defense may win championships, but walking buckets sell tickets.
In a sentence: “I know he’s a walking bucket, and one of the best players of his generation, and all-time, but I just still really hate Kevin Durant!”
Alright, I’m off to have a day. Thank y’all so much for making the entire year special. Buy my book, say nice things about me on the internet, and share this newsletter why don’t cha?
P.S. What are some things on your bucket list? Reply to this email directly and I’ll send some original artwork to the person who’s done the wildest shit.